we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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