awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
