So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Randomize
