You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
