I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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