fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
