I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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