i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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