He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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