i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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