If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
