i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need moral support for this bender
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
