i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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