Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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