found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
