if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
