If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
