mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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