i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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