my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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