sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
