SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
