haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Randomize
