well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
