I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
