It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
