i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
