census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
