I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
