Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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