I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
