Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
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by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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