i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
