What did we do last night that was yellow?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
