She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
