I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
