She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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