I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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