i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
