wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
