the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
