someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
