Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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