Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
