I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
