yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
