Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
