Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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