Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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