Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
