I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do vagina's smell?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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