I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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