I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize