You smell like stripper and shame
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
