Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
