okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
