omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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