i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
