How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
