Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
