We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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