Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
