I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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