I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
