That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
