tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
