my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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