My hand turned me down
im six kinds of drunk right now
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize