Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
