I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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