Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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