is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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