So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
