There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
