my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
