So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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