Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
